AS I LAY DYING
by friendofbread
Summary: Faced with an enemy threatening her very existence, Pinkie Pie must use her wits to evade fate. Rainbow Dash must rally to her side.
1. Chapter 1

Pinkie Pie POV

I used to laugh. I am sure of that now, though I cannot remember the last time laughter escaped my ponyish lips. Alas, now I sit here alone in my final home, a dank and barren cell, with two of my hooves in manacles and the laughing, taunting enemy outside screaming for my blood.

Where did things go so wrong?

Perhaps it began years ago, when I was happy. Oh, but I was a happy pony once. I would gallop and laugh all day long, and sometimes, I could even make Twilight Sparkle laugh along with me, like she had no cares. That was ages ago, long before sorrow carved a heavy crown of frown lines into her ponylike face. Oh, I miss you, Twilight Sparkle. You were once a friend to me, one upon whom I could rely in times of terrible distress.

We romped together through trumpet filled halls, the sunlight streaming from the high windows, and all was beautiful and light. I never knew what it was to awake with tears fresh on my cheeks, and the whispers of the names of my lost loved ones trapped in my throat.

Oh, how awful it is, to have the entire world and then simply lose it all again.

It really began when the man slaves escaped. We all knew male ponies were only good for breeding purposes. They could barely even articulate their consonants. Mostly it was because we beat them, but it was partly because they were not very intelligent. I remember those days of laughter, stomping on their heads over and over again, and just giggling with Rainbow Dash, seeing her pummel the man pony slave while I pummeled mine. Blood spattered like glorious paint all over our outfits. Indeed, Rarity loved to join us and stomp her many man slaves, because the vibrant red of their blood looked like the most gorgeous dye for her many gowns and ribbons.

I also recall how once upon a time, Apple Jack happily tore out the heart of a man slave, her adorable southern accent going so well with all the blood and gore we tromped upon together as we tortured our man pony slaves.

Alas, this was always the point where we needed to go somewhere else, so we would drag the man pony slaves into halters and then make them haul us places. The moans of pain they'd give as we did so made us so, so happy. It was like a chorus of angels.

But good times never last long. After the asteroid hit, and decimated civilization, the hyperintelligent snails forced us ALL to be man pony slaves, even us girl ponies. It was not fair.

And now that I am no use as a girl pony slave, my final hour ticks down. I look towards the wall sadly, seeing the clock creep the last seconds my life into oblivion, and wish – just once, just once – that I could see my friends again, and together stomp the man pony slaves into bloody messes on the floor and just one last time, hear their ponylike screams of agony.

The hyperintelligent snails are bursting in here now, ready to drag me to my death.

Life was good once.

Now, I welcome my end.

THE END


	2. Chapter 2

_**10 years earlier**_

Rainbow Dash dashed down the rainbow path in front of her. It wasn't really rainbows, it just looked that way from all the blood that transitioned to urine over the green grass that lead to the strip of water and the water stained with more blood from all the dying man pony slaves. It made Rainbow Dash so happy to see and she recollected fondly all those man pony slaves.

These hyper-intelligent snails didn't have a chance if they thought they were going to take over Ponyville. They would crush them like the man pony slaves gleefully beneath their hooves.

Along came Nightmare Moon. "Hello my friend. Have you trampled any man pony slaves today? It is a good warm up for the hyper intelligent snail invaders."

Then Rainbow dash said, "See all the urine? It's because the man pony slaves wet themselves with fear of me."

"Good, I am pleased," Nightmare Moon had recently taken up several musical instruments. She liked to play them as she trampled on her man pony slaves. She's a multitasker.

To Rainbow Dash, it was inspiring. Those days when the sun rose over the horizon and she saw Nightmare Moon playing a banjo and trampling screaming man pony slaves until their blood spattered and they urinated from fear.

And suddenly she realized that the green was not in fact grass but some sort of intestinal parasite from the man pony slave that she had cut open with her hoof.

Pinkie Pie came up then in a radiant halo of light, her cute pink fur bathed in blood.

Rainbow Dash smiled. "Is that blood from the man pony slaves?"

"Yes, how did you guess?" Pinkie Pie said sweetly. They both shared a good laugh for several minutes as Nightmare Moon played her euphonium.

Just then, in the distance, a nuclear power plant began melting down. They were distressed, but they had other matters to concern themselves with, like the annoying man pony slave who was for some reason was holding his head up high like he somehow hadn't had his life beaten away and was somehow worthy of existence.

Fluttershy took care of it personally. She had a trail of ducks following behind her that she had trained to quack angrily at mans.

It was all going so well. So so so very well. It was just another wonderful day in Ponyville. And Rainbow Dash stopped the nuclear plant meltdown from reaching them by surrounding them with a sonic rainbow so it just melted through the earth into the groundwater below instead.

Little did they know that radiation made hyper intelligent snails even more hyper intelligent. It gave them understanding of the meaning of life and many ancient arts like pottery and building cathedrals.

THE END


End file.
